One of these things is not like the other.

 

Maybe it's the dreary weather. Maybe it's that I'm worn down from being sick, but I'm having "one of those days." Forgive me. Ever feel like the apple in a sea of oranges? That's kind of how I've been feeling lately.  Have you ever felt like this picture below? You can be surrounded by people yet still feel alone?

Well....this is where I am. Today. Maybe not tomorrow, but I just need to sort out my thoughts, and this is a reality of my today. Ministry can be lonely, period. Inner-City Ministry can be REALLY lonely. Yet...I wouldn't trade what I do or where I am for all the money in the world because I KNOW it's my calling. However, I'm human, and I have to process the emotions that come with it.

I've probably never really appeared "stable" to people. And by stable I mean, good paying job, good education, car, house, savings, social life. Etc.  I've always been one of those "follow your heart" kind of people. I could never do something just because it's what everyone thought I should do. As a result, I haven't finished my degree, I've never purchased a car, I've always lived paycheck to paycheck. What I do have is a list of experiences I never would have had if I would have followed the "norm."

So how do you explain to someone that you chose to take a leap of faith and take a job without a guaranteed paycheck? That you too, choose to live where you have to benefit from some of the services you offer others i.e. food pantry, and how do you make new friends in a new city when you're scared that no one will understand your feelings or what you do with your life? Or you fear being asked if you and your husband want to go to dinner with said new friends because you are already counting change to make sure you can buy milk or bread that week?

Glenn and I have been praying about and looking for a church to attend on a Sunday night. We serve at a church on Sunday morning, but it's hard to get lost in worship when I'm constantly trying to engage the kids in worship or telling them to put away their cell phone. We teach Sunday School which means we miss the sermon, and although we do devotionals everyday, there is something to be said for corporate teaching and fellowship. 

Well, last night, we went to Buckhead Community Church an off shoot of North Point Church where Andy Stanley is pastor. Andy gave the sermon at the Buckhead Campus and we decided to attend. Located in the heart of a very affluent city, the building was all glass across the front, we parked in a parking garage. We walked into a room where the stage was like a concert setting. Lots of lights. It was actually pretty awesome. The praise band was amazing, it was like attending a christian concert. It was nice to get lost in worship. To focus. We were surrounded by people of all races, and ages, although most of them were in their 20-30's, it seemed.  

Andy gave a message on Mark 8: 27-38.  You can watch the whole message here: Andy's Sermon. Please look it up and read it. But the basis of his message was found in these verses 34-38 taken from The Message: 

 ^34-37Calling the crowd to join his disciples, he said, "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to saving yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? What could you ever trade your soul for?

 ³⁸"If any of you are embarrassed over me and the way I'm leading you when you get around your fickle and unfocused friends, know that you'll be an even greater embarrassment to the Son of Man when he arrives in all the splendor of God, his Father, with an army of the holy angels."

And Andy used it to make these points:

1. Salvation is free, it cost you nothing. Follow Christ will cost you something.

2. There is always a point in a Christians life that if they go from being a Consumer Christian to a Follower, God will call them to do something that really pushes them outside of their comfort zone and when it happens it will:

• Feel like a  moral imperative. 
• Feel like a death.
• Other people won't really understand why you are doing it.
• There is no advantage. 

So why would you do those things? Because to be a Christ follower means to deny yourself, to take up the cross, and follow. No matter what.

And he made such a simple yet profound statement. If you got to the edge of your life and you could glimpse into eternity and your soul was at stake, what would you give up for your soul? The answer: EVERYTHING. So why do we cling so tightly to that which we can not take with us into eternity anyway? That which we lose in the end.  It was a simple message. But one I feel like I have so easily read quickly over. Today, however, it hits home with me. Is everything I've essentially "lost" worth it for the "cause of Christ?" I read over the list of things you experience when God calls you into the deep: moral imperative? check. Feels like a death? In some ways, check. People don't understand? check. No advantage? In most ways, check. The benefit, the blessings, the pay day, the win is that Christ is glorified and in some small simple way, I am used to bring Him glory and take care of His children.

While I may not see a physical paycheck, I know my basic needs are met. While I may never drive a new car off the lot, I have the blessing of transportation. While I may not be able to go out to dinner or to the movies with friends, I have a dvd player and groceries. And while I may never fully be able to explain all that goes on in my heart.....God gave me words and an outlet.

Please pray for Glenn and I as we go back to Buckhead Church this Saturday for a Married Couples Grouplink...where we can sign up for a small group. Please pray that I will be peaceful, not anxious, and that God would place us in the right group of people that we can start establishing some relationships here in Atlanta.

Thank you to everyone who has sent emails, cards, unexpected blessings. Your thoughtfulness and prayers are a huge source of encouragement for us on the tough days.

And to those who read this that I KNOW have these days and have had them for many years in this type of ministry. Thank you for paving the way and being an example and support. I know that although there are days when I FEEL alone, I'm truly not alone. 

For His Renown,

Morgan