I walked around for about 24 hours teary eyed because I kept saying, "God, I don't like feeling this way. I don't like being mad. I don't like being angry. And I don't know how to just CHOOSE to not feel this way." Oh the blessing and curse of "emotions."
I was reading over these scriptures this morning:
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts." - Psalm 139:23
"On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts." 1 Thessalonians 2:4
"The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but the LORD tests the heart." - Proverbs 17:3
Ouch. How often do we ASK God to test us? I know I do not walk around asking to be tested.
I seem to automatically operate on the "if it's not broke, don't fix" mentality. But how will we truly know how broken we are unless we are tested. There is no greater measure of where we are than to have our heart tested.
Maybe those moments that make you cringe or tempt you to go all cray cray on someone really aren't about the other person, but a test of your heart. Maybe it's a reminder that God see's our heart....not the smile we slap on.
Thankfully, I know that my Abba loves me in my brokenness and allows me the opportunity to try again.
Will you pray for God to search your heart today?
What do you think He would find?
I don't know about you, but I think I just need a t-shirt that says "Work in Progress."