Thursday, January 24, 2013

The Heart Test.

It's really easy to think you have a handle on something until it's tested. It's really easy to think you're a loving and kind person until someone or something provokes those feelings of anger to rise up out of you. There have been some situations over the last week that have caused me to take a very honest look at my heart.
I walked around for about 24 hours teary eyed because I kept saying, "God, I don't like feeling this way. I don't like being mad. I don't like being angry. And I don't know how to just CHOOSE to not feel this way." Oh the blessing and curse of "emotions."

I was reading over these scriptures this morning:

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts."  - Psalm 139:23

"On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts." 1 Thessalonians 2:4

"The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but the LORD tests the heart." - Proverbs 17:3

Ouch. How often do we ASK God to test us? I know I do not walk around asking to be tested. 
I seem to automatically operate on the "if it's not broke, don't fix" mentality. But how will we truly know how broken we are unless we are tested. There is no greater measure of where we are than to have our heart tested.

Maybe those moments that make you cringe or tempt you to go all cray cray on someone really aren't about the other person, but a test of your heart. Maybe it's a reminder that God see's our heart....not the smile we slap on.

Thankfully, I know that my Abba loves me in my brokenness and allows me the opportunity to try again.

Will you pray for God to search your heart today? 
What do you think He would find?

I don't know about you, but I think I just need a t-shirt that says "Work in Progress."

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Immeasurably More...

It has been so long since I've blogged, I hesitate with where to begin.

My mind has be blown lately. Our focus verse for The Dream Campaign is Ephesians 3:20 -

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

I've focused so much on this verse being FOR the kids we were going to be working with, not evening thinking about how true this is in my own life. As I reflect, I am blown away by how God has been making this verse a banner over us.....His love. His love for His children. His desire for His purpose to be carried out.

For the better part of my life, I tried to "make" things happen. I tried to manipulate situations to get a desirable outcome to benefit me. I can honestly say that God convicted me of that in a serious way a few years ago. When Glenn and I moved to Atlanta, we committed our life to serve God with everything we had. We consistently talked about how what we had was not ours, but God's.... so we would never cling too tightly to "stuff." 

When we were faced with unexpected circumstances around every bend.....we held tight to the fact that God was in control. I can't lie....Glenn did this much better than me and had much patience with me as my head and heart had to align. I would like to say that it was easy, but it was a battle of the mind on many occasions. 2012 was one of the biggest "growing" seasons of my life. 

The Dream Campaign was God's idea...not ours. We never set out to work with at-risk youth or start our own non-profit. We have had to learn every step of the way and are still learning. I have been frustrated, cried my eyes out, been scared out of my mind that we would fail and ultimately had to die to the desire to control or manipulate the outcome. 

But....God is Sovereign. He is SO incredibly beautiful and merciful.....and good. So so so so good. He has, is and will do immeasurably more

So what does this look like currently?

Glenn and I are in the process of relocating back to Savannah, GA. This was an incredibly hard decision for me because I was so looking forward to putting down roots in our neighborhood. I have heart strings tied to so many kids and families here. One night Glenn said, "Morgan....we haven't really talked about it, but do you want to stay in Atlanta?" With tear filled eyes, I looked at him and said...."We can't. We have to go where God is leading." We had never talked about it because we both "knew" without question that God was moving us. This is very hard for me for several different reasons which I'll touch on in a future blog, but there are so many wonderful things about going back as well.

God, who does immeasurably more, has paved the way for us to have two site locations from the Dream Campaign. We have been adopted by one of the fastest growing church congregations in the nation as one of their local outreach focuses. We have been given a free place to live for a few months at the beach, while we look for a more permanent place in the inner city. (Who lives at the beach while they look for a home in the inner city?...only us!) But God knows how much we both love that setting and HE has given us a "God wink"....he knows our hearts desires and LOVES to bless His children in unexpected ways. We received an unexpected call today asking us what our Wish List was for the ministry with a commitment to purchase some of the things on our list. Every single detail that I have worried over, God has been all over.

I am humbled. I am humbled that God knows, and God sees, God acts and God is...and is to come.

That in this great big world, He knows my name, the number of hairs on my head, my thoughts, the intricate details that HE knit together in my mother's womb.

I am humbled....and I am honored. Honored that He has entrusted such a special ministry to two broken people who struggle, stumble and fail.

But because HE is in it....I am excited. Excited to see what HE does. Excited to experience immeasurably more and help others awaken to God...who is greater than their wildest dreams.