When It Seems Like Death Knocks Too Soon - Losing a Youth

I've been involved with youth since 2001 on some level. In 2002 I took my first Full Time Youth Minister position at Aldersgate UMC in Montgomery, AL. To be honest, looking back, I had no idea what I was doing. The senior class was just a few years younger than me. I had a heart and a vision, but no real training and limited experience. But...they took a chance on me. Sure there are things I'd go back and do differently, but I'd like to think I did some good while I was there. Those kids were awesome. They had big personalities, big hearts, and honestly were a lot of fun. I tried to have an open door rule in my office as well as my home. I tried to hang out a lot. I was young and had the time. I still talk to a lot of those students today, some of which are married now with their own families. If you've ever worked with youth, you know they are always "yours" no matter how far the distance or how long the time. I had the opportunity to work at various churches around the southeast and it remains true of those youth as well. They are all awesome and all left an impression on me.
I've been able to talk students through relationships, parents divorce, loss of others...but I've never had to face losing one of them until recently.

One of the other places I had an opportunity to work was Faithbridge UMC in Spring, TX. It was a phenomenal place to work with phenomenal staff and one of the most incredible bosses I've ever had.  The youth were so passionate about God and about missions. One of the girls in the youth group was named Kelsey Jackowski. With such a large youth group she kind of flew under my radar for a little while ONLY because she was always so sweet and kind of shy (at first). But then I got to know her a little better and she wasn't really quiet. She was fun and had a great time with her friends. She was highly involved in the band and very talented. I didn't get to know her personally as much as I would have liked to, but I did have the privilege of going on her Junior/Senior retreat where we stayed in the same house. Unfortunately.....after moving away I received word that in May 2011 Kelsey had been diagnosed with adrenalcortical carcenoma with mets to the liver and IVC. The tumor was about the size of a football.  Kelsey fought a hard fight spending a lot of time at MD Anderson. Through it all she remained a source of hope and strength for her family and friends. She had the best attitude and was solid in her walk with Christ. In December 2011, her earthly race ended and she went to join her Heavenly Father. This is Kelsey's Senior Picture:

I was unable to attend her funeral although I was definitely there in spirit. When I got the news that she passed away I just sat in my car and sobbed before going into work. I couldn't wrap my head around it.

Fast forward to this week. I noticed on Facebook that a lot of my old youth were talking about Addy having surgery. I quickly emailed a former youth's parent (Mitzi) who's daughter was best friends with Addy and asked what was going on. I was told that Addy, who was a student at the University of Alabama had been having some serious headaches and actually started to feel sick in one of her classes. Upon going home from class she became paralyzed on one side of her body and lost her speech.  After many tests at the hospital it was discovered that Addy had a brain tumor.  She regained feeling and her ability to speak and surgery was scheduled for February 14, Valentine's Day, to remove the tumor. I asked the mom for Addy's phone number so I could call and pray with her before her surgery. That was on Saturday. On Sunday, I was reading all of these posts about Addy passing away. I couldn't believe it, so I emailed Mitzi to confirm. Apparently the Doctor's had told Addy she could go home for the weekend to rest and be with her family before Tuesday's procedure.  Upon arriving at home, Addy slipped into a coma and was taken to the hospital. She never woke up and was declared brain dead. She was living on life support. On Sunday, the life support was unhooked and Addy passed away.

I can't even begin to tell you the range of emotions I felt in that instant. Heartbreak, sorrow, anger, guilt. "Why, God?" ....."Why Addy?" ...."Why now?"  Where as I knew Kelsey and it was heartbreaking to lose her, I was Addy's Youth Minister and was more personally involved with her. I remember taking her home from youth group for the first time and going inside to meet her mother. Addy was at every youth event. She went on every trip. She NEVER stopped smiling. She was goofy, funny, outgoing,  and always tried to make sure other people felt included. She was one of the most optimistic people you could meet. It will take me a long time to get over not picking up the phone the second I got her number and calling to check on her. Why did I want to wait til the day of the surgery? I will regret that. I know all of her friends and family were are in total and complete shock.  Here are some pictures I have of my years with Addy Hamilton.

Senior girls. I surprised them at their senior dinner at the church after I had moved. Addy is on my right.

The Youth who went with me to Vancouver. Addy is in the Navy Blue Shirt on the Front Row.

 English Bay in Vancouver. Addy is the second from the right on the front row.

I'm going to Montgomery on Sunday to attend her funeral. I selfishly don't want to go because I don't want to face the reality that one of my precious youth beat me home. But I want to honor her life, support her family, and hug the necks of all of these youth and families that are hurting. I'm afraid I won't have the answers or words to comfort, but maybe that's the point. We're all there together. We're all grieving.  We're all there to celebrate her life.

This is a first for me.....and to lose the presence of 2 sweet girls on this earth so close to each other is more than I can comprehend. But I'm thankful to have known them. And I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that each of these young ladies is with Jesus. Their smiles are making Heaven even brighter. I know they each want every single one of their family and friends to join them there some day. IF you read this and are not sure of how you make that happen. Ask someone....or message me. And if Kelsey and Addy were here today they would be telling everyone to "smile."

They both had an amazing amount of JOY....and this song makes me think of them.

And they both left such an incredible Legacy...

This is just a little of their legacy....and I wanted to do my part to share it and help it live on.
Please pray for the families of Kelsey Jackowski and Addy Hamilton. And please say an extra prayer for me this Sunday as I face unknown territory in youth ministry.

For His Renown,
Morgan