Putting Down Roots

If you have known me long, you know that I am one to move. I don't mind change. I like an adventure. For only being 31, I have lived in a number of places. The time has come where I'm ready to put down some roots. The adventure now comes in staying, not going. We have a mission field all around us and we feel like in order to really have an impact, we have to become a neighbor, live among those we are serving, cultivate relationships...and that takes time.

In the beginning of the year, I wrote this blog: My Word for 2012: Cultivate.
Little did I know how prophetic that was in the sense that it has been an idea that has been so relevant to this season. It has also been the subject of many a sermon or bible study I've read so far this year.  Every time the word is mentioned, it stirs something in me.

It's got me thinking a lot about how I'm cultivating in different areas of my life. My friendships? My relationship with my husband? Family? Good health? Income? Ministry?

I've been reminded that it doesn't just happen. A good relationship or good friendship is not healthy if its not being cultivated on a continual basis. Good health doesn't "just" happen. It requires an intentional focus.

I want to leave a legacy of intentional cultivation. I want to look back 5 years from now and see the fruits of staying in \ our neighborhood. I want to have a stronger relationship with my husband, family and friends. I want to be deeper in love with the Lord in a way I never imagined. And ultimately....I want to be changed. Refined. Renewed.

Only when I take the time to cultivate my relationship with God can I be sure that I'm right where I need to be. Christy Nockels has a song on her new album called "For Your Splendor" that I put on repeat quite often.  The chorus reads:

 With my roots deep in you

I'll grow the branch that bears the fruitAnd though I’m small I'll still be standing in the storm.Cause I am planted by the river.By your streams of living water.And I'll grow up strong and beautiful, All for Your splendor Lord.
You can watch the entire video here:

So this is my prayer today. I so desperately want to face the storm with no fear because my roots are deep enough that I know I will weather the storm. I pray, you too, continue to cultivate the different areas of your life.

If you would like to read our full newsletter, you can do so here: The Paddocks Fall Newsletter 2012.

For His Renown,

Morgan

A Different Kind of Love

This is a blog that's a little difficult to type, yet it has been on my mind A LOT lately and I feel like there are probably people out there that can identify. I think when you get to be in your 30's and married, family just seems to be on the brain. It's like this natural brain shift takes place and you find yourself always thinking about future and what your family will be like (at least I do). But somewhere in the back of your mind you think...IF I get to have a family. It seems like pregnancy is EVERYWHERE. One of my step sister's is pregnant, one already has a daughter, my sister in law is pregnant with her 2nd,

one of my close friends is as well, all of my college roommates are mom's (two of them have or will shortly have 4 kids). And I have this longing that goes deeper than you can put words to.  A longing be able to experience that same thing. I'm not bitter.  I don't want people to feel uncomfortable talking about their kids or feel like they have to hide their excitement. I am happy for them and get the blessing of being surrounded by beautiful children. But there is just that longing.

If you can identify you know that you catch yourself looking at the baby stuff in target, you're always making faces and trying to get the baby in the the check out line or restaurant to smile or laugh at you, you get teary eyed in every movie that has a parenting theme. Glenn and I desire to have a family, but sometimes I wonder what that family will look like. Will they be our flesh and blood? Will we adopt? Will it look like it does now? Playing parent to the kids God brings in our path? And if it's not the first, will God still be good? Will it be "enough"? Sometimes, honestly, I want to say, "no God...it's not enough, " but I know that's not truth.  When I was younger, if you asked me what I wanted to be, I would have said, "A preacher's wife and a mom." Those were my two greatest desires. The first is in progress, but the second.....we'll see. (note: I'm not saying we can't have children, we just haven't yet and so this is all hypothetical if I'm not able to get pregnant.)

While working with inner city youth, we have been given the names, "Mama Morgan and Papa Glenn," and one kid just straight up calls us "mom and dad." We go to sporting events. We have family time: We play games. We watch  movies together. When they act up we have the hard conversations. We laugh. We make them turn off their cell phones when we have quality time. We cry. I sometimes lay awake and worry. Our phone rings at all different times. We are always looking out for their best interest even if they don't understand. We go grocery shopping and they put all manner of things in the basket. They talk back. They get mad. They give hugs. They show love. We provide a safe place. A respite. A place of laughter and love. We give truth in love. We teach boundaries.

We were talking about peace one day when we were working with middle school students at Rescue Atlanta. One of the questions on their worksheet was "Where do you feel most at peace?" My eyes filled with tears as I read sheet after sheet that said, "Morgan and Glenn's House."

Glenn and I catch each other's eyes all the time and have that unspoken moment of "this is what matters." But then the kids go home and the house is quiet and the longing is louder than ever. We went to a church last week and the pastor was speaking on singleness, but he was addressing the goodness of God even when things don't go the way we want. He shared his own personal struggle with not being able to have kids and all the experiences that come with it....but said, "Maybe it's not how God wants me to experience Him" And he talked about not lamenting things but using your situation as leverage for the Kingdom.

While I desire more than anything to be a mom, what if its not God's plan for us? What if being a Mom would prevent me from being invested and flexible to be in all of these youth's lives? What if it would prevent us from being flexible and mobile to GO and do whatever God calls? What if?

So as I wrestle for a place of peace on the issue, I'm reminded that God is good. God is in control, and at the end of the day....it's not about me. I want to be used how HE would have me to be used. To have children of our own, adopt, or to be positive role models in the lives of at risk youth. Maybe it's all three.

There are moments when this path feels too hard. It's hard to struggle to stay where we are. It would be easier to find a good paying job and move. It's hard not knowing how the bills will get paid, or trying to budget with the little you have and struggle with going to games and going to pick up kids because you feel like you don't have the money to drive all over town or pay admission fees. And then I realize....these are the struggles of the people we are reaching. I have compassion on a new level for some of these families situations. But I also know that God is always providing in ways that we know is only HIM.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I just wanted to share because I never really understood that internal struggle until recently and I'm aware that some of my friends may be in that same spot. I wanted to say...you're not alone.

So while we are waiting.... these are some of the moments when my heart feels full, and it feels like enough for that moment.

Thanks for reading,
Morgan

kids falling asleep on our couch

City Boy with Country Dreams

Yesterday was one of the most rewarding days I've had in Atlanta. We started the Dream Campaign process with one of our students. We'll call him Jay. Jay is the kid who is ALWAYS in trouble. Big trouble. He has been one of those students that frustrates the heck out of me but yet I labor in prayer over at night. He has had a challenging up bringing and I find myself always battling that line of truth and grace. I understand why he is angry, yet I still have to set boundaries and expect respect.

One night Glenn and I picked Jay up and took him out to dinner wherever he wanted to go. His pick - Golden Corral. On our way, we just asked him a lot of questions and discovered that he REALLY loves the country. This totally took me by surprise, but when I looked back at his dreams, it made sense. He wanted to go fishing, ride a four wheeler and ride a horse.  We have dear friends who have a place called Third Day Ranch where all of the above could take place. We had scheduled a trip once before but canceled it because Jay's behavior was bad. However...yesterday we decided to take him and his cousin for an afternoon of swimming and seeing the horses. We believed that this would plant the seed that his dreams CAN be a reality, however it also provides incentive for good behavior. I was completely thrilled when we saw the results. See, Jay usually walks around like he is angry at the world, however as we got off the interstate and got further and further into the countryside....the anger and intensity of him almost melted away.

When we got to Aunt Penny's, he immediately wanted to see the horses, but we told him that would come later on in the evening. First...swimming. Jay and his cousin swam and played. Jay challenged himself and kept stretching his swimming abilities, overcoming fears. I snapped this picture of him "relaxing", something I had never seen before.

After a meal of 2 grilled hamburgers, Cheetos and Fanta there was more swimming and then Jay disappeared. I walked around the side of the house and this is what I saw....Jay was watching the horses from the other side of the fence. .I LOVE this shot. It encompasses what the Dream Campaign is all about.

When we walked up to the house Jay asked me if he could please help clean out the dog kennels. Aunt Penny and her husband have 11 dogs. Who ASKS to clean out the kennel. So Wayne went with him and together they cleaned.

Then it was time.....we all made our way down to the barn where Aunt Penny introduced Jay to all of the horses and taught the boys how to cut up and measure the food for the horses. Jay listened to every word and followed directions.

After feeding the horses, we packed up and got ready to head back to the city. Penny and Wayne talked to Jay about the importance of doing well in school and having good behavior. They made a plan with him that he could come back to the ranch whenever he wants and depending on his behavior, they have some incentives and rewards lined out such as riding the horses, driving the 4 wheelers, etc. Did I mention that Jay wants to be a veterinarian when he grows up? Penny is setting it up for Jay to come out when their vet comes to the ranch so they can meet and Jay can shadow him. 

On the way home (until he passed out from exhaustion) he talked a mile a minute about all of the horses and things he learned. Right before he went to sleep he said, "I'm gonna be really good this year."

A dream. A taste of something he loves. Motivation. Hope.

This is why the Dream Campaign exists. 

To learn more about  the Dream Campaign please visit our  Dream Campaign Facebook Page. 

Our Dream Campaign Website

 or if you are interested in making a donation to our cause or to purchase a tshirt please email Morgan: morgan@helpmedream.org

You can also see the entire photo album of Jay's visit: Jay's Trip to the Country

We are practicing what we preach and following our dreams

We are doing it.....we are going all in and diving head first into making the Dream Campaign a 501c3.

(we typed this up to go on our website that is COMING SOON ) :)

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”  This is a question that most of us have been asked in our life time. The response is usually met with answers like, “ I want to be an astronaut, a doctor, a singer, a lawyer, a teacher, an artist…..or if you were me, a clown!” J However, when we asked some of our students in the inner-city what they wanted to be when they grew up they said, “ Work at McDonald’s, the skating rink, Six Flags.”  Those were not the answers we were expecting to hear.

Through a series of conversations and activities we discovered that many of these youth simply had not been taught  or empowered to dream. We spent some time working with them to stretch their imagination or hope factor for the future and after a few weeks I asked them to write down 3 things they have always wanted to do, places they always wanted to go, or things they always wanted to learn more about.  The answers revealed a heartbreaking discovery. Many of these youth had not experienced basic positive childhood experiences that many take for granted. “I want to go fishing. I want to learn how to ride a bike. “  When it came to the future we started getting answer like, “I want to learn how to do hair. I want to be a coach. I want to learn how to draw.”

There are a large number of at-risk youth in this generation who are living with no hope or dream for tomorrow. They are giving up in school and failing because they have no care of a GPA or college because it doesn’t feel like an option. They are joining gangs, getting in trouble and not caring about the consequences because the opportunities for success and happiness feel limited.  We decided we could not sit back and watch without offering hope of a different path.

The Dream Campaign’s mission is “to empower at-risk youth by teaching them to identify, pursue and achieve their dreams through a series of positive experiences, mentoring, and leadership development.”

We are in the process of filing for our 501c3. Please pray for favor and a speedy turn around. Please check back for updates and looks for opportunities to be involved and support these amazing youth. We will be starting with a program in Atlanta and Savannah.  In the meantime….consider buying a Dream Campaign 

t-shirt to help us spread the word and support these efforts.  Tshirts (which are navy blue) are $15 and can be ordered by emailing me at Morgan@helpmedream.org.

Until then, we’ll keep dreaming til’ our dreams come true.

Blessings, 

Morgan Paddock

Scrambled Thoughts

Sorry if these seems scattered. I think my mind feels numb.
I  apologize for not typing more blogs lately, but things have changed so much everyday that I was waiting until I actually had something of substance to report. I wish I still had something of substance to report.

Glenn and I are in Louisiana. We have gone on a tour of the southeast this past week. We went to Alabama to see friends, then on to one of my best friends weddings in Florida, visited family in Mississippi, and we're wrapping up with some time with friends and family in Louisiana. I'll do another post with pictures and stories. I'm definitely feeling like I need a vacation after vacation.

This has been an odd trip home for me. I haven't been (home) to Louisiana in 1.5 years. This is the longest stretch between visits. In fact, the last time I was at many of these places, I was at a very different point in my life. Going back to some places brought with it much joy in seeing people I love, but also dredged up some painful memories. Some relationships picked up right where they left off, and others were very strained. I think I've laughed and cried equally on this trip. And I'm having to face the harsh reality that at some point...Things change. People change. I change.

I am however thankful to experience these places through a new set of eyes through my husband. Glenn had not been to any of these places with me prior to this trip and we started the process of creating new memories. It was definitely fun to experience some of my favorite things and places with him as "firsts." And never did he question me or harp on me in one of my emotional moments or awkward situations. He was just...there. His presence was calming. I know I say it a lot, but I can't tell you how thankful I am to have this man in my life. He is a constant source of comfort and encouragement for me.

So as we leave here tomorrow we are setting out on the next leg of our adventure. While in Louisiana we received a call that we needed to be moved out of our current house by the end of Tuesday of next week. That pretty much gives us Sunday afternoon, Monday, and Tuesday to get the new house ready, the old house packed up, moved, and cleaned. And we already have meetings scheduled in Savannah next week starting on Wednesday as we start a new adventure together as full time urban missionaries, start a non profit, and go back into the world of raising support and become fully immersed in the inner city neighborhood we are moving into.  I've been struggling with trying to accept the fact that not everyone will understand or even support this decision and as a person who was a "people-pleaser" most of my life, this is a tough pill to swallow.  My life path has been anything but "ordinary" and as a result sometimes lonely, but I know that this is the path God has called us on. He has made that very evident as the necessary doors have open and closed to guide us here.

If it sounds like I'm complaining, I'm not. It's just a place of processing a lot about myself and the reality of our situation. I'm actually excited about everything that is ahead for us. But I feel like I'm entering a new chapter in my life in so many ways and it sometimes feels very overwhelming when it seems like "Everything" changes at once. 

One thing is for sure...God has provided each step of the way in completely unexpected ways...even on this trip.  He continues to confirm this next step of our journey in so many ways. I leave you with a picture of our new "home sweet home" to be. We greatly appreciate your prayers in the coming days. I'll have more finalized announcements when we get everything sorted out.

Thanks to the people who have been prayer supporters, financial supports, and just overall good friends and encouragement through this season. Trust me when I say I thank God for you ALL the time.

Blessings,
Morgan 

The Time Read 3:47am

So I mentioned on my Facebook status the other day that I kept waking up the past few nights at 3:47. I wouldn't have thought much about waking up in the middle of the night because I've had trouble sleeping, but why did I always seem to look at my phone at 3:47 exactly?

So...I tried to look up verses in the bible that were 3:47...there's only two and I knew neither one of them pertained to my situation. That is when a friend of mine suggested I look at 34:7......and Psalms to be exact.

Here is what Psalms 34:7 says: " The Angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and rescues them."

I was dumbfounded....could it be that God kept waking me up at that exact time so I would have an inkling to search his Word for this truth? I believe so. I believe God can use anything He wants to lead us to His truth.

It has been a tough week as much unknown is ahead the coming days. I am a planner and for me...this is stretching me in a serious way to not know what will happen in a few short weeks. What we will be doing, where we will be living, etc. And in the middle of the night when my mind was racing around these things, I believe God was trying to say...... through a stinking clock..."I've got this."

I imagine the Angel of the Lord pitching tents around my life......and because I fear the Lord....I will be rescued - let out of the woods on the right path.

That is comforting.

Our God is creative....and He can and will use ANYTHING to get our attention..
Even a simple clock.

For His Renown,
Morgan

In The Meantime...

Do you ever find yourself in those moments where you just kind of have to put ...........?
I'm calling it the "in the meantime" season. That place where you know where you are and the needs of what lies ahead but you don't know how or when you'll get there. It could be needing money to pay the bills, waiting for a job, waiting to get a call from an adoption agency, waiting to take that pregnancy test, waiting for the college acceptance letter, waiting for that phone call after a date, waiting for the diagnosis or waiting to see if they accept your offer on a house. There are a lot of things it could be, but it all involves a lot of waiting and a lot of question marks. So what do you do "in the meantime?"

Glenn and I are in that season. I'm going to be really candid and share with you because it's not a secret, not anyone's fault, and we could use the prayer support. When we came on staff with our current ministry 7 months ago, we raised enough money to support ourselves for the first few months. After that, there was supposed to be another source of income coming into the ministry that would cover our salaries. To make a long story short that income has been delayed by about 6 months and completely out of our control. The ministry  has covered our rent and bills the past few months, however they have said they can not guarantee that they will be able to cover July's bills or anything after due to lack of finances. So.....here we are.............................................................................................................................................................
Did you catch the number of dots?  No one is to blame.  It doesn't mean God is not faithful. It just is what it is.

However with rent and bills due in another few weeks and no income coming in we're left with a big fat question mark. We feel like God brought us here, but was it for different reasons than we once thought? What it a vehicle to a different path? It's hard to walk out a calling that requires you to depend on others for support. Sometimes it is a lonely road and I wonder if people think, "will she ever get a REAL job?" But in those moments, I don't feel the need to defend myself.....it's just the nature of what we do. We have no choice but to keep our options open in the meantime, but what does that look like?  I asked some friends what they do in these moments and one of them said, "I try to focus on a goal that can be accomplished in the midst of the wait...something that calls out to be done, can be done right now, and that will prepare you for wherever HE ends up leading you." So what does it look like to "actively" wait?


Well...I've been reading one of the greatest books I've ever read "The Circle Maker" by Mark Batterson. It's subtitle is "Praying Circles Around Your Biggest Dreams and Greatest Fears." God has put some really big dreams in my heart the past few months and I've decided to be proactive in praying around those dreams. I have decided to make The Dream Campaign its own 501c3 which will take some time, but it will allow me to make a difference in the lives of inner city youth no matter what happens or where God takes us. I think it was a God idea and He has provided the support and affirmation through numerous individuals.  We will continue to walk out our ministry where He has placed us, all the while sending emails and just asking God to open and shut the necessary doors for us to be right where He wants us to be, be it here in Atlanta or elsewhere. God has placed some people in my life this week that I think will be influential in my life for a very long time. I'm reminded that God can and will use anything for His glory.


I've spent a lot of time on my back porch the past few days enjoying the sunshine, listening to the birds, reading, and honestly just spending some sweet time with the Lord. What I can say is that with all of the question marks and dots.....my soul is at peace. I went out yesterday and got a sketch book that is my dream book. I created my own visual of prayer circles and will spend a good portion of this next month praying circles around these dreams and fears. 

God woke me up this morning with the word "Ebeneezer" on my mind. It means " thus far the Lord has helped us." I believe it was a kiss from the Holy Spirit as I opened my eyes. 


I promised when I first created this blog that I would share the good, bad and the ugly of our journey and this is  some of the "Days in the Paddock's Life.". I'm continually reminded that God has hemmed us in, behind and before. He is faithful. He has set our feet on solid ground. He is with us and He will not abandon us. 


I guess this is just part of the adventure :) I am expectantly waiting and praying to see what God is going to do. It's in His hands so I can rest knowing we are safe there.


Thanks for your prayers.


For His Renown,
Morgan