I've probably typed a blog with this title before....but it's how I'm feeling tonight. The contradiction of the phrase seems like those two things should not be able to exist together but so often I find myself right in the middle of that heart torn feeling.
When I first started going into the strip clubs with the Sunshine Girls, I did not know what to expect. My first couple of experiences were the complete opposite of what I anticipated. I did not feel judgement or anger or anything except love and compassion. I look forward to my turn on the schedule to go in and bring a meal to the girls and just hang out for awhile. I'm starting to see the same faces over and over and getting to actually build relationships and learn people's stories. Tonight I was caught off guard with the feeling of anger I had as I left the club. I wasn't angry AT anyone, I was just angry at the circumstances surrounding so many of the beautiful daughters of God in that club.
Tonight in particular was heart wrenching because I learned that one of the girls works 3 other jobs in addition to dancing and she takes every penny she makes in the clubs and saves it so that she can put her 2 younger siblings through college because their dad isn't around. She grew up in foster care and She said, "I may never make it in this world, but I will make sure that they have the opportunity." When her little sister said, "I'll just do what you do," she replied, "NO.....you will not do what I do. You will do so much better than what I do." If that doesn't describe devastating beauty...I don't know what does. Devastating circumstances, beautiful compassion and strength.
I left tonight with such a heavy heart to pray for these girls and their families. To pray for the young new girl who seemed so terrified, probably battling within herself why she had decided to do it in the first place. For the other young new girl who checked her hair and make up every 5 minutes, walking around jittery and full of nerves probably wondering if she was going to be good enough.
When I was in Vancouver, the pastor whose family I lived with instilled in me the idea..."What you see is not what you discover is...."
So often we judge a book by it's cover. We assume that if a person holds a certain profession they must be a certain way. Here is what I can tell you from my experience..... Every one of the girls I encounter is an amazing and beautiful soul. They are someone's daughter, sister, mother, aunt. For whatever reason they have found that dancing is a means to quickly provide in ways that a 9-5 won't. And for many of them..it is for children or siblings. I'm not saying it is for all...but for many. Many of these women will get 2-3 hours of sleep and get up to go to their "normal" job tomorrow.
We all make choices and we all deal with the consequences of those choices, but tonight, I'm praying that God provides another option to them. That the beauty of their stories will become the forefront and that the devastation becomes less. And more than anything, I pray they know their Abba Father.....The Daddy....who sees them and loves them and who is enough. I pray that somehow, despite the view they have of most men, God will become everything that every other man has not been. That they will experience a depth, height, width and love of a Father who knows every detail of their lives.
I'm thankful that I get to call these precious women friends and I get to see their true beauty and hear their stories. I believe Jesus is there and smiling every Thursday night to see His daughters from all walks of life gather for a few brief moments of true community.
It is a beautiful picture of the church being sent out.
I covet your prayers for my friends.
Blessings,
Morgan
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