So this morning Glenn and I got up and went to see one of our girls from Rescue Atlanta play in her school soccer game. This is one of my favorite things about Youth Ministry: attending school activities. As we took our seat in the bleachers, my heart sank as I realized we were probably one of 2 people there to cheer on the the inner city school, and we are not even a "parent." There was ONE mom from the school. We cheered for all of the girls and were happy that they won! We waited by the gate so we could tell them all "Good Job, Way to Go!." Towards the end of the game the next two teams were showing up and the stands were filling up with their parents. Obviously not inner city schools.
As we sat there and witnessed the distinct difference I told Glenn, "Ya know, I wonder how many parents aren't here because they can't afford the $5 per person entry fee to a Jr. High Soccer Game? And wouldn't it be great if there was a non profit or foundation that focused on covering the cost of school events to encourage family support in inner city areas?" We agreed that it was probably a large part of the problem, which makes me sad that money keeps parents from being able to support their kids. On the other hand, it's not JUST money in most cases.
We see a large lack of parental support, and absentee parents. Whether it be in the inner city or in the suburbs where a workaholic Dad is always missing his kids activities. Parental involvement and support is KEY to a child's developmental growth in every way: emotionally, academically, spiritually. When I see a kid who is extremely angry or rebellious, the first thing I want to know is...where is the parent? How involved is the parent? 9 times out of 10 the parent involvement is lacking. Kids need someone to look up to. They NEED someone to support them and cheer them on. Believe it or not, they WANT someone to set boundaries for them so they don't have to make all the hard decisions on their own. Often times a kid will do something drastic or exhibit bad behavior because it's the ONLY way they get any sort of attention. It's the reason a girl will compromise herself to receive the attention of guys and men around her because in their mind Bad attention is better than no attention at all.
If you are a parent reading this...I BEG you to examine how involved you are in your child's life. Are you there for the games? The plays? The recitals? Do you check in with their school progress? Do you know their friends? Do you tell them "I Love You" and give them a hug on a REGULAR basis? Do you ever look at their Facebook? (Not stalking, not disrespecting privacy, but monitoring. It's the internet and public...what they are saying...says ALOT). Do you attempt to spend time with them just to hang out?
Does your child only see you when it's convenient for you? Do you show more respect and love to other people than your own child? Does your child feel like he/she can talk to you? Are they always in their room or on their computer or do you make Family Time a priority? Do you pray over your child on a regular basis? Are you an example? Do you want your child to grow up making the same decisions and taking on the same priorities that you are setting?
Because here's the bottom line. They are watching you. They are waiting for you. They NEED you.
This is an incredibly tough world. Life is tough for the child and teenager growing up in these times.
There are those of us that do all we can to support and Love on them when we can, but they are with us a small fraction of the time that they are with their families.
Think about it. And if you're not doing all that you can....DO SOMETHING! Please..
Someone is influencing your kids. Is it you?
For His Renown,
Morgan
The flip side Morgan is how is student minsitry in America working to engage parents in ministry to students. My soapbox! We as the chuch ought to be equipping parents to disciple their children rather than stepping in and doing it for them. We encourage a "outsourcing" mentality when we have other adults become their "go to" dischipleship person. We simply must do a better job of reaching these parents rather than judging them. A great read is "REthink" by Steve Wright.
ReplyDeleteBecky, Thanks for your comment. Please do not misunderstand. I would actually totally agree with you that engaging parents in ministry to students is absolutely essential and often overlooked. However, my "Soapbox" on this is from an entirely different angle. I'm not talking about the parent who is there and wanting and willing to be there for their kids but just needs the tools and support of the ministry. The parents I'm more so referring to are the ones who aren't there for their kids. Totally Absent. By choice. Examples: The parents who spends their money on drugs or other things before they take care of their child's basic necessities. The parent who tells their 12 year old daughter just to walk home alone over 2 miles through a rough neighborhood. The parent who has men rotating in and out of their home like a revolving door in front of their kids. Those are actual situations I've faced in the past few months. I'm not directing this to the average family. (I guess I should have made that clear). Please do not take it personally. It's not coming from a place of judgement but a place of heart ache and frustration. Trust me when I say that we would DESIRE for the parents to want to be involved. We are working at trying to figure out a way to connect with these parents because as it stands now, 85 percent of the kids come to church alone on a bus. My desire is not to take the place of a parent, but when a parent is not there, or not willing, I will do all that I can to be a positive and consistent role model in these kids lives. I hope that makes more sense. Sorry if I offended anyone. Truly was not my intention.
ReplyDeleteWas not offended at all-just presenting a view from the other side of the tracks. The families you are speaking of, I suspect, have social issues mostly that are keeping them heading in the wrong direction. They are still behaving like children themselves rather than taking responsibility for the children they have brought into this world. I was simply pointing out that the families I deal with are doing sort of the same thinkg--ie outsourcing their kids to the church for the church to "spiritualize" them. Most of them are fairly new believers themselves and don't feel capable and or interested in teaching their kids about their faith. We as the church have got to do a better job of teaching parents first what their role is and then second how to do it.
ReplyDeleteI believe for the generations to be saved and changed we have got to teach a generation how to disciple their own. Otherwise, many of those kids will grow up and expect someone else to do it for their children and the cycle continues. I am beginning to believe that reaching parents is the more important way to impact both the child/student and the kingdom for God. Check out the book--it's an interesting read. Certainly applies more to a Faithbridge setting than a homeless ministry but many of the concepts still apply. I meant no hard feelings just wanted to add my thoughts from a different perspective.
I suspect the families you are dealing with have a generational problem that has gone on for many generations where each fends for themselves and the fittest survive and thrive. Again, a cycle that must be broken for Christ to be able to shine in those lives.
Peace, friend, Becky
Not to throw fuel on the fire, because I think that for the most part you're right, but I have learned through my inner city program teaching that many of the parents aren't there because they're working 2, 3 or 4 jobs to make ends meet in a bad economy. I'm not saying that's the case with all of them, to be sure, but I try not to throw out the baby with the bath water by making sweeping generalizations in each of my girl's situations. Sometimes there's more than meets the eye in the equation. Asking the kids gently what the story is, is an important but delicate undertaking.
ReplyDeleteIn any event, your kids are lucky to have involved adults in their lives -- regardless of whether their parents are absent for less than palatable reasons or because they're working. I know they cherish your presence. :)
Hey Min,
ReplyDeleteOnce again....to clarify, my blogs are from the perspective of my "exact" situation and what I am facing "here." I wish it were the case that they are all out working jobs to provide, but I have not found that to be true...so far. So this "Sweeping generalization" unfortunately it not too far off with the situations at hand. I by no means and claiming this is how it is across the board. Glad you commented. Been missing ya!
Love, Morgan
And Becky, thanks for the recommendation of the book. I plan on checking it out. :)