The Dancing Light

There are very few things that have moved with me from place to place since high school. One of the items that is most precious to me is a little framed quote that my assistant principal gave me when I graduated high school. It reads:

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” - Helen Keller

There is something about that quote that has resonated within me since I was 18 years old. In addition to that, my mom has always instilled in me the importance of  praying for closed doors and open windows.

I can honestly say that this idea has helped me through many difficult circumstances. It has helped me reframe some really confusing situations.

Stuck. Ever been there?

I can remember so many times over the past few years where I shook my hands at God and said, "I thought I was following your direction. I thought that Glenn and I did what you wanted. I thought we were in this together! Why the hell has everything fallen apart around us? Did I miss something?"

Although never clinically diagnosed, I really believe I struggled with depression during a period that we were in Atlanta. The ministry we had worked for shut its doors. We had just founded the Dream Campaign. We were living in a $100/month house in the middle of inner city Atlanta. There were many nights we ate some concoction of rice and beans because it was literally all we could afford. I could not SEE beyond the struggle. I was fixated on the lack.

When we arrived back in Savannah to make a fresh start and lay the foundation of the new ministry God had put in our laps, we had no idea where to begin. A good friend of ours allowed us to live at their beach condo for a few months while we figured things out. There were many days when I sat on the balcony at that condo and thought about those tough nights in Atlanta. If I had only known....

The honey moon period did not last long and there we were in that place again of "Um...hello God. Remember me? The one who thought she was following you. WHERE ARE YOU?"

We had put all of our eggs into a basket of moving into an apartment complex where we would host The Dream Campaign. We had EVERY reason to believe THAT was where we were supposed to go. We had a few successful outreach events. A member of the corporate office had driven down to see what we do and was very excited about the plans. There was only one problem. The one person who had to make the final call backed out at the last minute and here we were once again with a dream and no place to make its home.

"Ya know God, I'm starting to feel like a fool here. Every time we take a step of faith it feels like we have gone completely backwards. Maybe this isn't right after all. Maybe I am the fool. Maybe this was a mistake."

There were no words of comfort or encouragement that could penetrate the disappointment in my heart. I was choosing to be mad, bitter and miserable. Apathy set in. I was ready to quit. The life of complete faith and trust was exhausting and watching the bank account sometimes get down to $1 with no promise of a future deposit was weighing heavily on me.

Thankfully, this was not the end.

Fast forward.

We are now in a perfect location with a thriving ministry that God has truly blessed. We are doing exactly what we were created to do and could not imagine life any differently. Relationships are being made. Children's lives are being impacted. What would have happened if I would have dug in my heels and remained fixated on that closed door? The thought makes my stomach churn.

Hindsight is an unbelievable gift.  I can now see how each disappoint, every wandering detour and seemingly dead end was perfectly woven into the tapestry of our current life. Would I trade it for a different ending? Absolutely not.

Hurt is real. Depression is sometimes paralyzing. Life hurts. Setbacks suck.

The closed door does not have to be the end of the story.

Are you standing in front of a permanently closed door?

Take a step back and look for the light peaking beneath,  dancing across the floor. Do not be afraid to accept it's invitation. May it be a doorway to a greater adventure than you could ever imagine.

** This blog is part of a collective hosted by The Story Sessions.