Being the Bad Guy

"You didn't help me get a job."

"You didn't give me money."

"Now, I'm homeless."


These were the words said to me yesterday after I had to draw a hard line in the sand between a daughter trying to get her life on track and a mother who keeps pushing her backwards.

I refused to move her things into her daughters new house because the agreement was that the only people on the lease to live in the new house were the daughter and her four kids. She seemed supportive of this new opportunity for her daughter until it became a reality. She thought she would get her way, again. She had plenty of notice to find an alternative and chose not to and we could not allow her to have one foot in the door of the new place. So with me and Glenn standing in the street (I brought Glenn for physical support), I made it very clear the boundary lines that exist in this new chapter. I hate having to be the bad guy and honestly, two years ago, I could not have done it. This came after lots of conversation and pep talks and encouragement to the daughter.  I expressed to the mother that I had all of her belongings in my car and I would be happy to hold on to them for a week until she figured out where she and her boyfriend would be living. I told her we could help her find a place to stay in the meantime, that there were several different organizations that not only offered shelter but could help with finding a job. She let me know very quickly that under no circumstance would she go to The Salvation Army or any other shelter for that matter. She got on the phone, started calling everyone she knew to inform them on the injustice WE put on her. She disappeared with her daughter standing in the street, tears streaming down the daughters face and all of  her belongings in my car. She never came back. So we left and put her belongings in our shed.

After pouring encouragement into the daughter, we returned to her new home where her very happy children were unpacking their things, enjoying air conditioning (which they did not have in their old house) and relishing in their new space to be a family. We had a dance party in the living room to the song "Happy" to celebrate the promise of new beginnings and new mercies. The oldest son kept saying "Welcome to my Mansion" (A 2 bedroom apartment, mind you). Smiles were abundant. They immediately wanted to hang their signs they had painted at a block party a few weeks ago  in anticipation of having their own space.

A few people stopped by to hug her neck and offer a word of encouragement and blessing. We had lots  of "You can do this" conversations throughout the day. It was a testimony of the body of Christ and what we should do for one another. There were moments of intense joy and intense grief. I walked through Walmart picking up some immediate needs and I could not stop the tears. When Glenn and I finally sat down to eat dinner at 9pm at a local restaurant and one point during dinner I put my face in my hands and the tears came rushing again.  Sometimes I have to dig in deep to be strong for other people and it is only the strength of the Lord that gets me through those moments and at the end of the day I feel it all. Yesterday was that day.

I felt Satan try to whisper in both of my ears that I was a horrible person for making the older lady have to find somewhere else to stay. I questioned if I had done everything I could do. Should I have tried harder to help her find a job? Should I have put her in a hotel for a few days? What God really pleased with what happened that day or what I going against what the Bible said about helping someone in need? It can all be a bit draining and leave you a complete mess.

Here is what I know. So many people that we work with are caught in a cycle. If nothing ever changes,  the cycle continues and is typically passed on to the children. There are people that want to make changes, but so often their support system is not in place and they crack under pressure. People who start to make a change usually revert in a moment of desperation. Desperation causes people to be really mean.

The single mother and four children we helped this week are desperately trying to make that change. They are suffering some serious ridicule from family members who are pointing fingers, jealous and desperate. They are also being completely bombarded with love and blessing from complete strangers in the Body of Christ and IT IS MAKING A DIFFERENCE. The children are growing and becoming more comfortable and stable.

But this family needs prayer. Prayer for mom's strength to continue to do the next right thing. Prayer for blessings to flow and follow obedience. Prayer for the desire to continue to seek out a new community of support.  Prayer for the grandmother to own her decisions and get the help she needs.

Pray for us too. This has been incredible but very draining physically but mainly emotionally. I have never felt the depth of grieving with someone like I have with this single mom. We have shared many moments of hugs and letting her know she is NOT alone. I had a slight fleeting thought last night of concern for safety because I thought, "I may have just ticked off the wrong person." Glenn assures me I have nothing to worry about, but still....I pray for a heightened awareness.

The balance of truth and grace has always been a really tricky one for me. Maybe I did mess up. Maybe it wasn't what Jesus would have done, but I really don't know what that would be in those moments. I think we are called to say the hard things for those who can not yet find their voice and sometimes that means drawing a line. I pray that God brings peace to mind and heart over things that I can't control and are not responsible for.

Above all, I pray that God is glorified, in our mountains and valleys and that all of this will result in His name being glorified. The tough times, the conflict, are big parts of the story and I pray that He is made famous in the results.