If you're seeing this for the first time and need the back story, please read this blog first: God's Calling Me to Strip Clubs.
I have waited a few days to post this update to process everything. Glenn and I have always tried to be honest about our joys and struggles and this will be no exception. I believe that God is developing a ministry for us to other men and women and I want to be transparent in how this all happened because I have prayed that God would allow this to reach someone who needs to hear it.
The days leading up to the club were fine. I was super excited. Glenn and I were anticipating my first night with The Sunshine Girls. Well...I believe Satan was also anticipating it because he wasted no time in shooting his arrows starting early Thursday morning. I hadn't even been awake for an hour before Glenn and I were arguing. By lunch time I felt incredibly defeated. We were fighting over STUPID little things..and then we would argue about arguing. The frustrating part was that I could recognize that it was Satan trying to get the best of me. I knew he wanted me to go into that club mad at Glenn because I would experience everything through that lens. I did the only thing I knew to do. I called on some girlfriends to cover us in prayer and after some time Glenn and I made our apologies and decided that WE would not be defeated like that. Before I left, Glenn held me in his arms and prayed a beautiful prayer over me. I was covered..not only by trusted friends, but by my beloved husband who knew exactly what I was walking into.
I got to the meeting spot where the teams gather, pack the cars with food and join together in prayer. I suddenly felt super nervous. I was really quiet (not like me). On the way to the club with my team we were talking about how Glenn used to manage the club 6 years ago (before knowing Christ) and what a big deal this really was for me on so many levels. When we arrived to the club we walked in carrying food (along with many people saying "hey the church ladies are here") and immediately set up a serving line. The first thing that struck me was that it was nothing like what I expected. Yes there was a girl dancing on stage but no one was really watching her. Most of the men in there were sitting at the bar with their backs to the stage or playing pool. As soon as we set the food down, one of the dancers walked up to us and asked which of us was in charge. We identified our team captain. Then the girl said, "I've been convicted that I need to start tithing, but since I'm not a member of a church I'd like to tithe to what y'all do." She followed with the fact that the money did not come from dancing but from her day job. I was completely blown away. What an incredible first interaction.
We served up plates of food for any of the dancers, bouncers or bar staff. The lady manager came out and gave us all hugs. The girls caught us up on what was going on in their life. Everyone was incredibly nice to us. The hardest part for me was to not appear like I was trying not to look. Sometimes it was hard to really focus. I obviously didn't want to watch the girls dancing and I didn't want to look at the patrons. As I took it all in I kept trying to picture Glenn in that environment....and as much as I tried to imagine him being there...I couldn't. I truly believe that was God's divine protection of my mind. I could NOT even imagine him as the person he once was, but only as a new creation.
Before we left, we went into the dressing rooms. For any of you that think all strip clubs are nice and have the big light up mirrors and cushy seats where the girls get ready....you are mistaken. It was a small room, lockers and wall length mirrors, but nothing nice about it. We had brought homemade Mother's Day cards in with postage so that the girls could send their mom a card and hopefully create communication for any broken relationships. We talked to one really sweet girl who showed us pictures of her kids and told us all about them. She gave me pointers on how to make my hair curly and honestly, it was like chatting with a friend.
When we left, everyone said goodbye and gave hugs and said, "we'll see you next week." Some of the girls try to schedule themselves on Thursdays because they know The Sunshine Girls will be there. I left with a smile on my face knowing that I was doing exactly what God created me for. Loving people no matter what walk of life were on. I had an incredible sense of freedom as I walked out of that door. It was as if I had left a huge amount of luggage inside that I had been carrying around for the past two years. It went from baggage to blessing.
As I got in my car to head home I received a text message from Glenn that said, "how are you doing baby?" And my response was. "I'm coming home to you." Glenn says he knew in that moment that the night had gone well and I was different than when I left. I have never been so excited to see my husband as I was when I walked in the door. As we went to bed that night and I was telling him about my experience. That is when I had my light bulb moment. See...all of this time, I've compared myself to the girls in the club. Fearing that I didn't measure up in looks, experience, etc, I was afraid that I would disappoint Glenn on so many levels. Then it hit me....I actually do have something special that no other girl has ever truly had from him and that is his covenant love. I cried tears of joy that night in his arms because for the first time it was the two of us....not the two of us, plus the crazy insecurity of his past. We have laughed and smiled more together since Thursday then I can remember. I am so thankful for his patience and love. He has loved me well...even when it hurt.
My perception of strip clubs and dancers has completely changed as well. I used to have judgement and now I have sorrow. If I close my eyes and think about that setting....the thing I see the most is sadness on the faces of some of the girls. Eyes that are hungry to truly connect with someone. And the men.....what I thought would provoke extreme anger only causes me to want to pray for them and the disillusionment that are buying into and the bondage that lust has on them.
I am SO incredibly excited for how God is going to use this experience in the future. For the many ways that Glenn and I can partner together in ministry in a new mutual way. I really believe we are going to see lives changed in the people we encounter because God loves every person that was in that club...not just the saved ones.
My prayer that night and continually is "Break my heart for what breaks Yours. Everything I am for Your Kingdom cause."
God's love. His ways. His timing. Is ALWAYS perfect. I remain in awe of Him.
There’s a luggage limit to every passenger on a flight. The same rules apply to your life. You must eliminate some baggage before you can fly. ~Rosalind Johnson
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