It Starts with Me: My response to "The Verdict"

Some of you will stop reading the moment you see the topic of this blog, but I would encourage you to read it in its entirety. It is not at all what you think. I have avoided sharing my thoughts on the Trayvon Martin case 1) Because I did not follow it closely and can not speak to if the man was really guilty or not 2) I don't like controversial debates 3) Emotions have been way to high to be rational 4) To be honest...a lot of people already assumed they knew what I thought. Why, you ask? I'm white. There was an enormous amount of racially targeted comments and assumptions made with the verdict of this case. Let me preface the following with the fact that any loss of life is something to grieve. Any loss of a young life is reason to be outraged. But I want to have a voice for what I truly feel is heartbreaking about this whole scenario.

To be honest, the day the verdict was read, I had no idea it was happening. I was at my mom's house on a Saturday night playing cards when I realized what was happening. For those who do not know, we moved into an inner city neighborhood a couple of months ago.  We are one of the few white people who live in the surrounding blocks. We have been called, "Those white people" by some of our neighbors. We get looks all the time like, "What are they doing here?" Other neighbors welcome us with open arms. We realize that moving onto our corner was a shock for some. I've been told by a man on a bike, "Be careful out here" when walking into the house late one night. I've watched numerous drug deals happen from our window or back porch. It does not bother me to have a different color skin from my neighbors. But it made me nervous when the verdict was read.

Why? Because people were irrational. As I pulled up to our house I got a text message from my mom that said, "Not Guilty." That walk to my front door went in slow motion. I immediately started seeing posts on Facebook about the "White" man. How people wanted to riot and murder. $#%^ the "white people." Did the color of my skin suddenly dictate everything about me? In that moment...yes.  The most heart breaking thing of all was that most of this talk was coming from kids. Teenagers. Many of whom probably didn't watch the case but jumped on a media and cultural bandwagon of extremely high emotionally fueled responses to a situation. These are kids we have worked with and considered our own, but in that moment, we were the enemy. 

As we laid in bed we listened to gun shots going off in our neighborhood. I looked over at Glenn and he said, "It's probably going to happen for awhile tonight." I read and responded to some of the comments I saw but realized it was so much bigger than what I could speak to. What could I do? Had we taken 10 steps back?

It scared me to think that kids were so quick to jump on a bandwagon not of justice but of hate and revenge. Would this be the course of their life? When would they decided that they had a choice and could choose peace? Would we be effective where we lived?

My heart was heavy. My heart was broken for a generation. My heart was grieving for the families. 

I realized that this all exists because we live in a broken world. A world and a people who need to be reconciled one to another and to God.

In an extended time of silence and scripture reading the next night I was raw with God and He led me to this passage, " Our firm decision is to work from this focused center: One man died for everyone. That puts everyone in the same boat. He included everyone in his death so that everyone could also be included in his life, a resurrection life, a far better life than people ever lived on their own. Because of this decision we don't evaluate people by what they have or how they look......All this comes from God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other.  God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins.  God has given us the take of telling everyone what he is doing.  We're Christ's representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God's work of making things right between them." 2 Corinthians 5:21 (The Message) I shortened it for this blog, but encourage you to read it in its entirety.

This was my answer clear as day. Because we live in a broken world, we will face persecution, judgement, injustice. Our assignment is to be in the business of reconciliation, one to another and one to God. I have been incredibly disheartened by things I've seen posted by those in the Christian community. Do you not read the same Bible I do? Some of you are only fueling the fire of division. I read a comment on FB recently by someone who said, "Are you going to be Kerosene or Comfort? 

If we are called to be peacemakers it has to start with us. Our future generations are watching how we handle our daily life and our responses on a larger scale.

Forgiveness is the ONLY thing that will breed an eternal difference in these kids lives.

At the end of the day its not about our skin, it's about our heart.
Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.

Blessings, 

Morgan

In the Thick of "It"

"In the thick of it"....that seems to be the phrase that I've heard more than any other when people talk about where we are living. We've heard that our street starts the more rough part of the neighborhood. We've been told that the corner where our house sits has always been known as "The" corner for drug activity. Most of the time when people come to our house they say, "dang..you live in the hood."

In the thick of "it." What is "it"?

"It" probably refers to...lots of crime, racism, drugs, prostitution, etc.  The kind of place you don't want to find yourself lost after dark, alone. "It" is the place where many people will drive out of their way to avoid. "It" is the place that maybe 2 blocks from your house but you've never been there. "It" is the other side of the tracks. "It" is where I live.

While "It" carries many negative connotations, "It" is beautiful. "It" is filled with smiles of children. Children who still play outside until it's dark. People in "it" all know each and sit out on their porch and wave hello. "It" is filled with much history, heritage and hope. "It" is strong. "It" is bold. "It" is pretty transparent. People in "it" don't really hide behind lots of money or big houses.  In "It" people don't apologize for who they are. Maybe the best thing of all is that Jesus lives in "It." I seem him everyday.

"It" doesn't need or want your pity. "It" is filled with talent, personalities and possibilities. "It" is the place many churches will serve for a weekend or a week on a mission trip, pat themselves on the back and forget about the rest of the year.

What "it" needs is for people to stop avoiding it and proving them right about everyone else. "It" needs consistency. "It" needs love. "It" needs neighbors and people to buy the abandoned houses, renovate and move in. "It" needs diversity. "It" needs to no longer be "it" but a neighborhood.  

"It" is my home.

Funny how where any of us live could be someone else's "it." Where is your "it"?

I would encourage you to visit. Drive through. Pray. See. Act.

I'm reading the book Radical by David Platt. This made me think:

"The price of our nondiscipleship is high for those without Christ. It is high also for the poor of this world.  Consider the cost when Christians ignore Jesus' commands to sell their possessions and give to the poor and instead choose to spend their resources on better comforts, larger homes, nicer cars and more stuff. Consider the cost when these Christians gather in churches and choose to spend millions of dollars on nice buildings to drive up to, cushioned chairs to sit in, and endless programs to enjoy for themselves.  Consdier the cost for the starving multitudes who sit outside the gate of this contemporary Christian affluence."

If you read the same Bible I do, we all have some serious thinking to do.
I have to fight against these thoughts everyday myself.
God is using "it" to teach me, grow me and humble me.

Blessings,
Morgan

Hiding In Plain Sight

I rented a movie with this title a few nights ago. It was about a family who had fallen on hard times and were living out of their car. There was this struggle with God about never leaving or forsaking them and it wasn't until a school teacher had to bring his student "home" that they were discovered and needs were met. The title has been on my mind since then...."Hiding in Plain Sight."

It has been a super busy month for the Dream Campaign. I will post an update on all of the ministry taking place. Just in the past month we have come into contact with about 80-100 new kids and their families. Our block is filled with kids playing in the streets, while drug deals and other things happen around them. I've seen it. It keeps me up at night to wonder what else is really going on. How many of the kids we work with are "Hiding in Plain Sight?"

But this got me thinking even more. How many people in general are "Hiding in Plain Sight?" Co-workers, family, friends, people sitting next to me at church? How many people are fighting a battle within or difficult circumstances that walk in front of me everyday that I may never know about?

How often do I do it?

Just yesterday I was struggling pretty bad internally and I sent a few girlfriends a basic "pray for me" text message. But that was it. There are days when I don't know how to express the deepest places in my heart. There are moments when I can't make sense of the chaos I see or how I'm even supposed to help. There are situations where I have fear and doubt and feel ashamed at my lack of faith and trust. There are days when I am screaming inside, yet slap on smile and face the day. To be honest...in those moments...I'm afraid to be seen. I'm afraid of what people will "think" or afraid they won't understand. I'm afraid my life will be misrepresented in a conversation somewhere along the way like a game of telephone. At times I can be a broken person hiding in the shell of my skin and no one knows.

Except God.  He always knows. He always sees. He always understands. And some days that is enough. And if I'm honest, other days, I need Him to be able to reach down from Heaven and physically hug or wipe my tears. But I believe He does that through others. I believe He uses other people as vessels to be his hands, feet and even hugs. But how can that happen if authenticity in relationships does not exist. If we don't allow ourselves to be seen?  I feel like that tension exists because we are human. We are broken people loving other broken people. Because sin is our nature. It's easy to mask gossip as "prayer requests." It's easy to judge another person without examining our own plank...even when we have the best of intentions. It's easy to be concerned with ourselves rather than carry another's burden.

It's called Community. We all need it. God created us for it. Being authentic is sometimes difficult because we want to remain hidden. It feels easier, but it takes a lot more work to hide than to be seen.

I have some incredible people in my life, but only I control how much of me is seen.

In the meantime, I'm glad that even when I don't feel it....God sees.

Are you hiding in plain sight? Do you want to be found?

Guess what...you already are.

Psalm 139

139 Lord, you have tested me,
    so you know all about me.
2 You know when I sit down and when I get up.
    You know my thoughts from far away.
3 You know where I go and where I lie down.
    You know everything I do.
4 Lord, you know what I want to say,
    even before the words leave my mouth.
5 You are all around me—in front of me and behind me.
    I feel your hand on my shoulder.
6 I am amazed at what you know;
    it is too much for me to understand.
7 Your Spirit is everywhere I go.
    I cannot escape your presence.
8 If I go up to heaven, you will be there.
    If I go down to the place of death, you will be there.
9 If I go east where the sun rises
    or go to live in the west beyond the sea,
10 even there you will take my hand and lead me.
    Your strong right hand will protect me.

11 Suppose I wanted to hide from you and said,
    “Surely the darkness will hide me.
    The day will change to night and cover me.”
12 Even the darkness is not dark to you.
    The night is as bright as the day.
    Darkness and light are the same.
13 You formed the way I think and feel.[a]
    You put me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because you made me in such a wonderful way.
    I know how amazing that was!

15 You could see my bones grow as my body took shape,
    hidden in my mother’s womb.[b]
16 You could see my body grow each passing day.[c]
    You listed all my parts, and not one of them was missing.
17 Your thoughts are beyond my understanding.[d]
    They cannot be measured!
18 If I could count them, they would be more than all the grains of sand.
    But when I finished, I would have just begun.

Blessings,
Morgan

Being "Mama Morgan"...

I've been sitting on this post for a few days now. Most of the reason for that is I've been trying to figure out how to express the deepest parts of me while protecting those involved. I will probably have a raw and honest version of this that will only be available by email for a smaller group. But in the meantime, I have to be able to off load some of my thoughts that are racing before I can sleep tonight.

"Mama Morgan."  This was a title given to me about a year and a half ago when Glenn and I started teaching the middle school class at Rescue Atlanta. One of the girls who is now like my adopted daughter referred to me by this title along with calling Glenn, "Papa Glenn." As a result...we got to refer to this group as "our kids." Little did I know that this title would come with real joys and struggles of being a parent.

I have made comments before about wanting to be a mother someday...and the more time goes by, I'm learning to accept that I may never be a "biological mom" to anyone, but I sure am an adopted mom to many. I am "Mama Morgan."

When I hear those words roll off the lips of these precious kids...it does something to my heart. It kind of brings that added sense of purpose and new found love that only those words carry. When so many of our kids have a warped understanding of what a parent is or miss out on things because of a parents actions, it puts an entirely different type of weight on those words. I have wiped away the tears of a child who was heartbroken because they felt like their parent didn't even like them more less want to talk to them. When I get an extra tight bear hug and I wonder when the last time their parent embraced them like that or when they ever will again it makes me never want to let go. When we provide a room and a bed for a child who does not even have a room in their own home anymore or is sharing it with 9 other people, it makes me want to let them move in a decorate it the way they want enjoying their own space. I am "Mama Morgan."

This week we were blessed to have three of our kids with us. I experienced every emotion under the sun and so often caught myself saying..."so this is what it feels like." We have had 3 teenagers with us and they have done everything  to live up to that title of teenager. We have dealt with calling them out, chores, mood swings, pouting, fighting with each other, being stubborn, etc. To moments of incredible joy, laughing til we cried, hugs in the morning and at night, opportunities to teach life lessons, dinner, games, movies, late night adventures, seeing them thrive, seeing them lead. We have even had the "I'm the favorite" argument coupled with "who do you love most?"

We have done everything we can to give these kids a week of love and memories. We have made decisions much like parents to set boundaries, and have sacrificed both physically and financially for their well being and happiness this week. I have felt the tension this week of trying to be a good "mom" and a good "wife." I have done their laundry and stayed up late cleaning making sure they had what they needed for the next day.

I am "Mama Morgan," yet at the end of the day, I am not their mother. I do not hold the legal rights to make decisions for them. I can't take take them to the dentist, the doctor, move them in or change their circumstances. This is where I struggle. I wrestle in the deepest part of me.

I love them as if they were my own. I may never rock my own child, hear their first words, take them to their first day of school, get them ready for prom, send them off to college. I may be the adopted  parent to hundreds of kids in my lifetime. I will wipe away tears of pain, hug til my arms hurt, exhaust myself for a smile, strive to provide positive childhood experiences, spend my own money on their physical needs and more. But I will also be blessed to feel that sigh of relief when they feel arms wrapped around them in an embrace they may have longed for. I will get to experience some of their firsts: baseball games, basketball games, etc. I will be there in the stands when there is no one there to cheer them on. I will play Candyland 100 times over. I will be at their graduation. I will encourage them to dream. I will pray and plead with God over their life and decisions. I will call them out when they do wrong but will pour blessing and encouragement at the same time. I will love them...but I will also let them go....entrusting them to God..who sees them, knows them and cares for them more deeply than I ever could.

I will live in this tension of undeniable joy and intense heartbreak.

I will grow in a deeper way, love in a deeper way, pray in a deeper way.

I will be a better person because of them.

I am so humbled that God has allowed me to have a part in their story because it is an incredible part of mine.

I am "Mama Morgan."

Devastating Beauty.

I've probably typed a blog with this title before....but it's how I'm feeling tonight. The contradiction of the phrase seems like those two things should not be able to exist together but so often I find myself right in the middle of that heart torn feeling.

When I first started going into the strip clubs with the Sunshine Girls, I did not know what to expect. My first couple of experiences were the complete opposite of what I anticipated. I did not feel judgement or anger or anything except love and compassion. I look forward to my turn on the schedule to go in and bring a meal to the girls and just hang out for awhile. I'm starting to see the same faces over and over and getting to actually build relationships and learn people's stories. Tonight I was caught off guard with the feeling of anger I had as I left the club. I wasn't angry AT anyone, I was just angry at the circumstances surrounding so many of the beautiful daughters of God in that club.

Tonight in particular was heart wrenching because I learned that one of the girls works 3 other jobs in addition to dancing and she takes every penny she makes in the clubs and saves it so that she can put her 2 younger siblings through college because their dad isn't around.  She grew up in foster care and She said, "I may never make it in this world, but I will make sure that they have the opportunity." When her little sister said, "I'll just do what you do," she replied, "NO.....you will not do what I do. You will do so much better than what I do." If that doesn't describe devastating beauty...I don't know what does. Devastating circumstances, beautiful compassion and strength.

I left tonight with such a heavy heart to pray for these girls and their families. To pray for the young new girl who seemed so terrified, probably battling within herself why she had decided to do it in the first place. For the other young new girl who checked her hair and make up every 5 minutes, walking around jittery and full of nerves probably wondering if she was going to be good enough.

When I was in Vancouver, the pastor whose family I lived with instilled in me the idea..."What you see is not what you discover is...."
So often we judge a book by it's cover. We assume that if a person holds a certain profession they must be a certain way. Here is what I can tell you from my experience..... Every one of the girls I encounter is an amazing and beautiful soul. They are someone's daughter, sister, mother, aunt.  For whatever reason they have found that dancing is a means to quickly provide in ways that a 9-5 won't. And for many of them..it is for children or siblings. I'm not saying it is for all...but for many. Many of these women will get 2-3 hours of sleep and get up to go to their "normal" job tomorrow.

We all make choices and we all deal with the consequences of those choices, but tonight, I'm praying that God provides another option to them.  That the beauty of their stories will become the forefront and that the devastation becomes less. And more than anything, I pray they know their Abba Father.....The Daddy....who sees them and loves them and who is enough. I pray that somehow,  despite the view they have of most men, God will become everything that every other man has not been. That they will experience a depth, height, width and love of a Father who knows every detail of their lives.

I'm thankful that I get to call these precious women friends and I get to see their true beauty and hear their stories. I believe Jesus is there and smiling every Thursday night to see His daughters from all walks of life gather for a few brief moments of true community.

It is a beautiful picture of the church being sent out.

I covet your prayers for my friends.

Blessings,
Morgan

Pressing Pause

I am a "Do-er." I struggle with sitting still. I REALLY struggle with sitting still when we are in the middle of a major life event like moving and starting a new non profit. Add to it the fact that we are on a time table and my mind does not stop. So what happens when you get really sick and things suddenly feel completely out of your control? You  God presses the pause button.

For people like me, who have the Martha syndrome, doing instead of being, we often find that we go go go until we can't go anymore. We think we are the energizer bunny whose batteries never run out and rather than stop and replenish, we will run them til the last bit of juice flows and we find ourselves completely empty.....exhausted and sometimes sick as a result. 

Last night we went to a friend of ours home to get a respite in the AC until my Mom's was replaced. When we arrived, we went up on the top floor balcony where there was a breeze and a view of the beach. She treated us to a nice dinner and when we came home she told us goodnight. It was only 7 pm but we got in bed and watched TV until we fell asleep. We slept in this morning and she took us to lunch. When we got back she told us to take a nap. I NEVER nap. I can never shut my body down. I feel like I'm wasting valuable time. But with being sick, I felt exhausted and I decided to try. We laid down and did not get up again until 4 pm. It was an amazing feeling to wake up feeling more rested. When we went upstairs she said, "If you didn't need it, you wouldn't be able to do it."  

Recently a good friend asked Glenn and I, "How are you doing at taking a Sabbath?" Uh...Errr......Umm.....

It really kinda hit me between the eyes. Do I not think that God is capable of accomplishing what He needs to accomplish in the amount of time given? Does running myself in the ground really help the process or only ultimately hurt me? 

As I'm on this new journey to set better boundaries, I'm learning to have to say no and let go. I am learning to call it a day and trust that tomorrow carries enough time to contain all that we need to accomplish for that day. If I will stop and rest and be still, I will know that I am walking WITH God, not ahead of God. I will know that I I

I am thankful for the friends who say "Take a Nap" and for friends who ask "How are you doing with taking a Sabbath?" I think these are valuable questions to ask. Next time you see me.....ask me. I could use the accountability.

How will you press pause today?

Blessings, 

Morgan

Rough Roads Worth The Journey

Have you ever been on a road like this? I have. They were some rough, windy and narrow roads. There were moments of feeling car sick where I had the split second thought to turn around, but the view in the distance kept me going.

If  you have been following our story of our latest adventures of getting into our new "House of Dreams" with The Dream Campaign, you know it has been a quick development with lots of exciting twists and turns.

Last week was filled with one big dose of exciting news back to back. It definitely was that week where so many answered prayers were answered at one time.  It was overwhelmingly joyful. I know Satan hates when things are going well and often tries to disrupt the plan. He has already been defeated in the end but it definitely causes for some rough roads on the journey. I think this makes us have to seek the Lord even more, dig into a strength that only comes from God, appreciate the journey,  look for God is ways that don't seem obvious and when victory comes through trial, God gets the glory.

Here is how that has played out this week for us:

Last week we got a rental house in a prime location for The Dream Location, a donated SUV, found out one of the community projects in new neighborhood is being headed up by a girl I went to high school with (small world). The possibilities are endless. God is blowing open doors of ministry and opportunity.  This week we went to Atlanta, had a awesome time with my sister on the way there, lunch with amazing friends, fellowship with the amazing family who donated the SUV to us. We meet 1/5 of our fundraising goal in 6 days.


Right after we picked up the SUV I got extremely sick, fever, exhausted, sinus, coughing etc. When we went to pick up our stuff from our old house we discovered that they had stored some of it outside under a covered porch. Our mattress was nasty, everything covered in pollen, many things broken. It was extremely disheartening. I was so incredibly sick but we had to make it home. Half way back we stopped to get gas and when we cranked it back up and nothing. While I'm on the phone with Triple A someone backs into our Uhaul trailer and drives off. (Glenn met them on the other side of the store much to their surprise). As soon as we got home I went straight to urgent care where it was discovered I had a high fever, ear infection and tonsilitis. I was grounded from our cleaning day/work day to get us moved into the house. Saturday morning I drove Glenn and the trailer filled with our stuff to the new house. We walked in and were covered in fleas. We had bombed the house twice before we left. The previous tenant had 5 dogs. Had to cancel work day and no cleaning or moving in. I was at my end...physically which affects everything.

We were able to put our stuff in storage for one month free at the uhaul. The pest control guy came and sprayed the house professionally, a local cleaning service is coming by to see what they can do to help us get in faster at little to no cost.

Then last night we came  home to a broken AC at my moms...exhausted, sick, sleepless.

As you can see......our road has definitely been full of twists and turns and definitely rough. My friend and mentor called us after the SUV broke down (it just needed a jump after not being driven for year and pulling a trailer) and told Glenn, "You are obviously on a road Satan doesn't want you on....keep traveling that road." That thought has brought us so much comfort and given us the extra energy when we may have felt like throwing our hands up.

In the midst of trials and tribulations...there is that view in the distance of things to come. While Glenn was at the house yesterday, a neighborhood man brought his 13 year old grandson over to meet  us and taught him how to cut grass for the first time on our yard. A little third grade boy stopped by 4 different times to talk to Glenn and ask if he could help us move in.

Even on a road that God has carved....He never said it would be easy or without trials. In John 16:33 we are told that we find peace IN Him and that we will face many trials and troubles. However, we should take heart because He has overcome the world.

It brings comfort to see how God works things out....it reminds us that this is HIS, not ours. But we do need help. We believe this is a joint effort. God is already preparing the hearts of the people in the neighborhood and bringing them into our path. If you would like to invest in the future of this ministry, please visit our fundraising page: Help Us Dream

Everyone hits rough spots in the road. Sometimes we are given caution sign of warning. Sometimes it's only for a few miles. Regardless of the intensity or length we can trust that in the end....it's worth the journey. Our peace is in Him and the result is He has overcome.

If you find yourself tempted to pull off the road or turn around from a path that you KNOW in your heart is a path God has you on.....I pass on the advice of my friend...."Keep traveling that road."

Blessings,
Morgan